Yesterday, Jewel and I took a little field trip out 249 and got off on Louetta and drove a few miles down to a sign that said "Fresh Vegetables". She had scoped it out on her way home from work one day and I was in the mood for a little road trip and some veggies. We drove back this paved driveway, across a cattle guard and on to a gravel drive and across another cattle guard and into this pasture that had a nice older home in the center of it. Pulled up to the garage and their was C.P., the owner of the farm. Nice gentleman, 83 years young and one of the most talkative people I've run into in a long time. I got some great tomatoes and a cucumber and Jewel did too. C.P. is looking forward to June 10th when he'll try to win a prize at a local nursery for the best vegetable basket. He took us in his house and showed us some of his prize 2 lb. Tomatoes. One would be a meal. He took us through his garden and recited the name of each every kind of vegetable he had grown. He's a firm believer in Miracle Gro. We had a nice time and could sure tell the man was hungry for company. If anyone's interested he has a 1986 Lincoln Continental with 40,208 miles on it. It's in perfect condition and he would take $9,000 for it. Too bad I just got a new car. Ha. It was a most enjoyable shopping experience.
and I just called up her mom and said I wanted to go alone. She was very gracious about it and said everything was fine. Foster sister called and I told her what I did and she agreed that her mom could fly to PA if she wanted to go, anytime. So all ended well and tomorrow I'll drive up after work and we'll all get together for a small Bar-B-Q and celebrate her Mom's 80th birthday in a quiet way. Her Mom says she doesn't want a big, loud party cause it might make the grim reaper notice her. She'll probably outlive us all, smoking the whole time too. Thanks for your input.
I emailed a friend and asked her opinion and she answered me back and CC'd my foster sister so I had to send the letter I wrote. I left her a couple phone messages and I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I ended up saying that I would just like to go alone on this trip. Thanks for your thoughts.
I just finished composing a no thank you letter to my foster sister. She called last night and wanted to know if I was willing to take her 80 year old mother with me on my trip to Pennsylvania. As she was asking I could feel myself getting very quiet. I said, yes, probably, but that I'd have to think about it, and then later I realized I was feeling really grumpy. Ha. Here's the letter I composed to her just now at 2:15 am. this morning:
Dear Jewel, You know I love you and your Mom very much and I'd do almost anything for you but, I really need (want) to do this alone. I've thought of little else but this trip for the last month. Your going to think I'm some kind of hypocrite but I barely smoke in the car now as it is. I'm going to continue (at least for the time being) to limit my smoking while I'm driving. One an hour, if that. (Colletta chain smokes)
It will be nice to do whatever I want to do (God and traffic willing) instead of worrying about the comfort or wishes of someone else for 2.5 days. You know I would, care that is, and if you can believe it, I might need some decompression time from work and then from my own family. Nobody pushes my buttons like they do.
Please don't think me too selfish. Your Mom and I will do something together again soon, but just not this time.
Love you both, Uncle Larry & Max
I could come up with a multitude of other reasons why I want to go alone. I won't bore you with the details. I really don't want this to be all about me. I need some feedback here, please. I want to do the next right thing and I want to do it today so there's no time for anyone to get the wrong idea. Does that make sense? Please let me know what you would do. I value your opinions. Thanks.
My boss called me into his office yesterday and asked me if I could help send out manifests for a while or until we hire and train someone else to do it. I said sure and went to see what that meant. It's extremely time consuming and confusing. Lots of if's and's and but's. I stupidly went back to the boss to see if he knew just what the job entailed and that's when he got red and said in a very calm voice that he didn't care what it took...just that it needed to be done. I said OK, no problem and got out of there! He is the nicest guy I've ever worked for. I've never seen him angry and I don't ever want to. He really doesn't know or care how we do our jobs...he just cares that it gets done right and on time. Oh well. The old, drinking Larry would have fretted and obsessed over the whole incident. And yes, I know I'm writing about it, but the fact is I'm not worried about it. I just consider it a learning experience. I've still got a lot to learn.
A little while ago I took Max for a walk and this happened.
I noticed something about him from a distance. Thought he looked like someone I knew. Couldn't think who. Then I noticed his walk. He was taking small steps with a bit of a nelly flair to them. He reminded me of someone I knew who walked like that. As he got closer I noticed his eyes. He kept staring at me. I looked away and then back and he was still looking at me. I noticed his long black mostache. His small wire rim glassses. I said good morning and he just went on by. I immediately thought of Ron and then thought...reincarnation? My heart's beating fast! I want to run back to the store and talk to him! Maybe he sounds like Ron too. Oh well, I won't. But I'll keep an eye out for him when I go to the store. Maybe he lives in the neighborhood. Creepy, but kind of neat.
and I can't remember why he thought I wouldn't get spam. Well I'm getting it! Insurance and used cars, so far. Which is why, if you want to leave a comment you'll have to do word verification. Sorry. Evidently someone I don't know is still reading my blog. Ha.
We went to East Beach on Galveston Island and though I've not been there in almost 4 years I was still able to find my way. We parked and Max & I walked down the beach. Max reverted to his old self and proceeded to chase and bite every wave that came into shore. I realized on the way home that if I understood dog speak a little more I might have recognized the whining to mean, "Daddy, I haven't had that much salt water in a long time and I think I'm going to be sick." Ah well, the car is officially mine as it has sand, hair and hurl in it. Thank Heaven I didn't need to donate any of those things at this time in my life. I was thinking on one of the first days I drove my new car that my usual christening of it would have been to smoke either a cigarette or a joint with a beer between my legs and the using the stick shift. (don't do it dAAve). Now, I don't even want to smoke in the car. The beer isn't going to happen. I must be older, wiser and sober.Life is good.
It was a special day because I finally just said "NO MORE WORK" and left my job at 11:30 am and got to Lambda for the 12:15 meeting. I haven't been to a meeting in months. I missed it but could just never leave (or so I thought). My 20 hour week had turned into a 38 hour week. I've decided not to work full time at this time and so there's no reason why I can't make a few meetings each week. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, I had a nice time, enjoyed the meeting and then 8 or so of us went to lunch at Luby's. I missed the fellowship. The other nice thing about going to lunch with the guys was that I was able to pay for my own lunch. I recently celebrated 1 year at my job (I was the only one who noticed the anniversary) but I still remember what it was like to live on what I was making before I went to work. I'm grateful everyday for the beginnings of becoming financially responsible. It will be a long road! I'm still sending the doctors, hospital, Radiology departments $10 a month. At this rate I'll probably pay them off in about 20 years. I still remember hearing that my financial life would change once I got sober. Heh Heh. I remember wondering when that would happen. It was a little slow at the start. I didn't believe it would ever happen again. Now, I'm not so sure. Buying this car, with the help of a friend, will help reinstate my credit rating for the first time since 1996. That's if I make all the payments on time (just kidding Toni). Other than the meeting on Friday I haven't done much this weekend. I've thought about driving somewhere just because I can. Galveston, Dallas, San Antonio well I haven't been able to decide. Plus, in a couple weeks I'll be driving to PA so I guess I'll just wait till then. I hope this trip goes better than I think it could. I'm just worried that I'll get too tired to drive after just a short while. I've not driven that far alone since 1981. Needless to say, I'm not as young as I once was. I just need to keep telling myself that it's an adventure. I'll try and blog along the way. Don't most library's have internet access? Have a good week.
It's pretty nice and all of the 11 people I drove around and showed it too, yesterday, agreed. It has a turbo thingy. If your in first or second and your turn off the AC. the car jumps forward about 10 ft. and speeds off. Not complaining. I love the AC! I was just (as usual) rudley awakened by my upstairs neighbor. At 3:45 am my bed was shaking from the bass upstairs. I really wanted to sleep in this morning. We just had a cold front come through. Of course, upstairs guy has his windows open too. I thought police? Landlord? I've been very patient. But I didn't do either. I just left him a note on his door that said I need his phone number-please. It's so I can phone him when the bass wakes me again. I didn't say anything about the police or the landlord. Let's see if he gets my drift. Have a great day!
just gave it all up to God. I suddenly remembered that there is nothing I can do but just take what comes my way. I've been worried about the new car and the what if's. Dumb. I know better. It will happen, today at noon as a matter of fact. The fact that the weather report says we'll have large hail at 3 pm. Doesn't mean that my new car is going to get all dented from the hail. What if? What if? Even if it did happen I'd still be lucky enough to have a car with AC! I need to always count my blessings.So here I go. Today I am grateful for: A friend who would co-sign a loan for my new car That I got a 3.9 interest rate on the loan All the people at work who are so excited for me That I can afford this new expense without having to go full time I can drive to Pennsylvania to see my family and stay for two full weeks That I survived the mugging and all these good things that happened to me afterwards That I went to sleep last night at 10:20 pm without drinking or drugging just to sleep And that I can blog again And that I'm thankful I'm thankful
It's 10 minutes to midnight and I should be asleep.
This is the view I get to enjoy on my way to work each day. It was raining and that's why there weren't any joggers along the path on the right. Of course I've been laying in bed for the past hour trying to get to sleep but it's almost impossible with visions of brightly colored cars dancing in my head! I just finished going through my medicine cabinet looking for a sleep aid but I have none. Now I'm trying Chamomile Mint tea. I wouldn't be awake right now if I was still drinking. I'd have passed out by 10:30 pm at the latest. Just today I thought about my old drinking life. My friend Chris called and asked for a ride to the Laundromat at 3:30 pm. The old Larry would be sleeping off the wine that I would have picked up just after noon when it would be available on a Sunday. Because I wasn't drinking I was able to take him there and pick him up afterwards too. We both acknowledged that my life certainly has changed for the better since I started going to AA. And now some of you are going to say, What? Larry is going to AA??" No, I haven't been going to meetings in months. I'm embarrassed to say this but I saw Bob S. At Hollywood Video one day and couldn't remember his name. It was just after my mugging and so I blamed it on the concussion. Then just one day later I saw tall Don (can't remember his last name now) at the post office and I couldn't remember his name until he'd left. Don't worry DAAve and Scott, I can't forget either of you. I sort of feel like I used to just before I went to a bar or my first AA meetings. For some reason I don't want go in alone. I know that's dumb. I know that if I walk in and I can't remember someone's name I can always call them Baby, Honey, Sweetie, Pal or Buddy or Missy. Maybe no one would notice. Ah, I'm just kidding. Blogging is so good for my soul. I've missed this and all of you. Don't be surprised if you see me at a meeting this week Honey. This tea is good. Night.
Well, would'nt you know that I just emailed almost everyone with my current status. I'm going to copy it here so I don't have to type it all again. It's good to be back.
I promise to start blogging again just as soon as I figure out how to access my account. I may just have to start a new one titled I'll never drink again, Vol.3 I'll let you know if I do do that. My head is still tender where the scar is and I expect it's going to take at least a year for it to get less noticeable. I got myself a new computer. It's a Dell with 160 GB hard drive, a 19" flat screen and all the accouterments. A wonderful deal for only $349 I'm still seeing my therapist and I've decided not to buy a gun. I really was thinking about it. I've decided, for the time being, not to go full time at work. Maybe I will sometime in the future. I'm just going to keep enjoying my ability to come and go as I please. That's a perk not many people have at their jobs. Last but not least, I've been car shopping. I've pretty much decided to get a Chevy Aveo, 2006, 5 door or hatchback, 5 speed with AC and a CD player. I'm leaning towards the spicy orange color. I believe I can get this car and make the payments without having to go full time at work. Wish me luck. So, if all goes as planned, I should have the car by next Thursday after 5 pm. Then in a couple weeks I'm going to drive it to Pennsylvania to visit my family and stay for at least 2 weeks. I want to go to Penn State and visit my friend Corene for a while. Lot's of plans and soooo little time. So, I'm back on my feet and running. Hope your all well and happy. I'll talk or email you individually sometime soon.