What an idea! I, who have succumbed to the worst that alcohol can offer...Well, maybe not the worst...But I did my best. And yet, I think about my young neighbors and all their trials and think that I could help....Having been there, done that....But do they listen, like I used to? No! I didn't listen then and I don't expect them to now unless, I dye my hair...What's left of it. If I look younger, maybe they'll listen. Not! If only someone would listen to me...I think that I have something worth while to say...My life would be so different. It's one of the reasons I don't want to go to a meeting. I'm worried I might really say what I'm really thinking. I might poor out all the loneliness..The anger (my therapist made me say that) ..Even though I do have friends that care and are around sometimes. Maybe it's about not having a lover or boyfriend to share this part of my life with although I don't remember ever looking or wanting someone who would make me whole. I've always felt that I'm just fine by myself. I don't need anyone to make me complete. At least, I didn't before. Is it the fear of growing old? All my friends are middle aged or damn close to it...No matter what they say! (some of those girls just won't give up their real age) That was never a problem for me before when I was drinking all the time. Yeah. Right. It might have been one of the problems I should have been working through at the time. Alcohol makes everything easy to deal with....Until tomorrow. Unfortunately, you don't usually deal with anything except getting that next bottle or beer.
On another note, I worked 54 hours this week and 48 last week. Not bad for someone who's supposed to be working part-time. I can't wait till I play catch-up with all of my filing and then I'm going back to the old ways where I worked just 19.50 hours a week. It's going to happen. I know it will. I can't let myself get sucked back into the corporate world where you can never do enough no matter how hard you try. I'll be careful and I think I'm going to go back to Lambda someday soon. I have 22 days now and even though I feel like maybe that incident with the alcohol didn't really happen...OK, I know it did, I'll go fess up at the meeting just as soon as I get through this moving business at work. Just a few more days, in theory. Actually, with luck, it should all be over on Thursday when the boss gets his new conference table and chairs. Whew!!
So, I've been busy. Haven't you? But somehow, it all gets done. I hope all of you have a great Christmas (if that's what you celebrate). Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good night!