I used to love musicals when I was a kid.

I saw RENT last night on video. My friend Mike asked me if I knew what it was about and I told him no and he said it's about squatters and AIDS. I told him it wouldn't bother me. I can watch AIDS movies and not get more verklempt than I usually do at movies. I sniffled a little bit at the end. I loved it! I liked every single song. The cast was great. Enough of the review.
It made me remember where I was and what I was doing in 1989. It made me reminisce about old friends and lovers who have passed on due to AIDS. It made me remember what it was like to be a squatter. In 1978, I had just become an executive buyer for Kaufmann's Department Store in downtown Pittsburgh. I'd just bought my first new car and had moved to the big city and was living with my brother's ex-girlfriend and another girl and another guy. We lived in this huge, top floor apartment in a building called "The Ellsworth" on Fifth Avenue in Shadyside. It was winter and the heat went out and stayed out. The landlord couldn't or wouldn't fix it. Carol, one of the girls I lived with took matters into her own hands and canvassed the building getting signatures and promises to send the rent to her and she'd put in an escrow account which would hold the money from the landlord utile he fixed the heater. It never happened. And like the characters in RENT, we carried portable heaters with us as we moved from room to room. I had to laugh at the irony of being an "executive" and living like a bum. There's nothing quite like getting up in the morning and seeing your breath while your still in bed. Then running to the kitchen (warmest room in the house) and start heating up the water on the stove so you can bathe and shave. Then putting on your suit and tie and commuting into the city. An executive instead of squatter, once more.

On another subject: That apartment I was thinking of moving to, the rent has been lowered again and it's even more affordable now. Something's just not right about that apartment. I feel it. It makes me hesitant to take the chance on a move there. It's a gut feeling. Nothing I can pinpoint exactly. I know that when I've ignored that feeling before I've regretted it. Sometimes God gives you a hint or a nudge to do the next right thing. I think I'll stay here for a while. The "right" apartment will come along and there's no pressing reason for me to move. Speaking of moving, my job is moving next Wednesday. I've been putting in extra hours trying to get ready and I started packing yesterday. It's exciting and scary. One day at a time.

I also wanted to say that while I'm not as lucky as dAAve in that he's had all cravings of alcohol removed from him...I do feel lucky that I can now go for weeks at a time without a craving. Lately, it's been more about nostalgia then anything else. It's so easy to romanticize the way it used to be. Ha. I know better. It really, never was all that pretty and neither was I.

It's the truth.

Serenity practice: Virtuous living

Program Principle: A good life is its own reward

“Wisdom is knowing what should be done next. Virtue is doing it."
David Starr Jordan, American educator and peace activist, (1851 - 1931)

Pandora's Box

If you do any kind of internet radio...you must check this out. It's wonderful, free and commercial free (at the moment). pandora.com Let me know what you think of it. According to JJ the link doesn't work. Just type in the info in your search engine. It's still worth it. :)

When I do stupid things I sometimes wonder how I lived to be this old.

I just made some garlic, herb bread and just finished making some lasagna to eat with it. I put on the ovenmitts and took out the temperature gauge, took off the mitts and put the lasagnas in the oven and then picked up the temperature gauge that still read 300 degrees and that's when I realized I hadn't put the mitts back on!! STUPID!! I hope aloe vera really works.

So much happened yesterday, most of it good.

Got my new couch. I got a white one of these with a couch cover in dark green and khaki. I've been thinking about going back and getting the orange cover. Maybe next week. Whatever, it gives me the choice of different couches depending on my mood. Luxury.

I went to the clinic and got my results from the blood work from 6 weeks ago. My triglicerides dropped 45 points, my cholestrol 48 points and my weight 7 pounds. I did diet those 6 weeks and I did cheat once in awhile. The doctor was really impressed. I thought it should have dropped by 100 points but he said I should be proud of the 48. He really didn't expect me to do so well. I told him he just doesn't know me well, yet and that when I decide to do something I really put my all into it. I know I have to work on getting more fish in my diet. Twice a week seems like it would be hard but I'll try. So, good news, no new drugs yet. He's going to let me continue on my diet for another 3 months. Works for me!

I've pretty much given up

on getting an apartment right now. I just got renter's insurance and have decided to fix up this place I'm living in and will continue to look for a place, one day at a time. I think the perfect place will cost $500 or less, have a great kitchen and a fenced in yard for Max. I'm over trying to train him to be caged. He's been fenced in the yard ever since I got him and there's no need to torture him anymore. I went through a bout of depression on Monday and Tuesday. I kept trying to figure out what was causing it as everything was still going according to plan. Guess I'll just blame it on the full moon as I feel fine now. Work, work, work. It's getting kind of scary now and I'm trying to keep everybody's spirits up (mine too) and approach the coming merger and move with a positive attitude. It ain't easy! Starting Friday I'll be sharing my office and computer with a temporary person and that is really going to slow me down as far as getting everything ready for this move. I've already heard from one of the company's we bought that they're looking forward to giving me all their files. OOOOOH! I can't think about that now. One day at a time!!! My mantra!!

And the hits just keep on coming!

I've had such a great day.

Up early and invited Chris over for breakfast. We figured if we ate early enough we could still enjoy brunch later. I made buckwheat pancakes with ham inside, eggs and juice and coffee. Good way to start the day. He left, I showered and then Toni and Miriam picked me up and we went to brunch at Barnaby's. They didn't know there was one on West Gray. Then we drove around for an hour and looked for apartments in the neighborhood for me to rent. At noon we went to Reliant Center to the RV show. Interesting. I could live in one or two of those things. Some of them are bigger than the apartment I live in now. Then off to Ben & Jerry's for ice cream and now a nap would be really nice but I've got to get stuff together for work tomorrow. I'm going to try a new chicken quesidilla recipe I found on allrecipes.com. So it will be early to bed and early to rise and off to work for another week. Hope you have a good week. I'm still apartment hunting. Oh, the girls really seemed to like their Skybars.

Email God?

www.emails4god.com Well, it's a pretty good idea!

Nothing new to report. I made it through the week. Just waiting to see if I got the new apartment or not. Just waiting to move at work. Got my tooth pulled and it wasn't too bad...still don't want to ever do it again, though. I'm going to the RV show at the Reliant Center tomorrow. My friends Toni and Miram are taking me. I'm not in the market for an RV but what the hay, it should be fun and I so enjoy their company that it doesn't really matter what we do as long as we do it together. I made deer chili last night. Gee this is all so exciting isn't it? Sorry. Just wanted to post and didn't have anything pressing to say. Hope ya'll have a great weekend.

For me, being Serene means not being afraid.

Serenity Practice: Open Mindedness...
Program Principle: Change demands openness...

"Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out."
Stephen A. Kallis, Jr., Contemporary American writer

Jack C.
The Serenity Project

My cold seems to be gone. Normally (while I was still drinking) I'd get a cold which would turn into a sinus infection that would end up as bronchitis or pneumonia. However, this time, I got the cold, continued to work everyday but got lot's of sleep and medicated only with Alka seltzer Cold Plus and chicken soup. (not together) Exactly 7 days later the cold is gone. It's a miracle. I have to admit I was miserable during those 7 days. Another miracle is I'm getting a tooth pulled on Thursday and I'm not afraid. That I'm looking for a new apartment and I'm not stressed out. Yet. That everything in my life is going well and that I'm able to cope on a daily basis with all of it. I don't have to or want to hide in a bottle. That's the real miracle.

I'm coping this from a guy I read

often. www.nakedboychronicles.blogspot.com I think he hit the nail on the head.

You know you're in 2006 when . . .
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

Take one of these and

put it over your nose and then try and get some sleep. That's about what it's been like the past few days. Day 7, it will have to start getting better soon, I hope. Snort. My whole family will be watching the game today. I guess I will too. Being from Pittsburgh originally I've always liked the Steelers. Of course, I'll be watching the spectacular commercials. If you'd like to see past Superbowl commercials you can check them out at www.superbowl-ads.com/2006/index.html I know I missed a lot of them due to drunken snoozes, but not in the last few years. Enjoy the game.

As if I didn't feel bad enough...

I've been sick the last three days but still going to work for a bit everyday. Today, I only made it for 2.5 hours and was on my way home, driving down this feeder road that has a speed limit of 35 mph. I was only going 40 mph. and the guy who was on the other side of the median flashed his lights at me to warn me there was a cop on the other side of the hill. I went over the hill, past the cop, over the next hill and flashed my lights to warn the next person to come along. There was another cop just over that hill. He ran out in front of me and waved me into his parking space and boy, Howdy was he pissed. I told him it seemed like the polite thing to do at the time. He threatened me with immediate county jail time and kept on yelling. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, blah, blah, blah. (in the old days I might have joked with him, but not now) I got all subservient and did the yes sir, no sir, please sir, don't arrest me sir, routine. I promised never to flash my lights again! I kept thinking...I don't feel good now. How am I going to feel after a year in jail? Will I still have this cold? I'd have got out of the car and licked his boots if I had to. I was being that meek. He let me go and I said thanks for not arresting me and drove off. I didn't flash my lights once, on the way home.