An Unusual Quote from The Serenity Prayer

Serenity Builder: Growth..

Program Principle: Progress not perfection...

“When you're green, you're growing. When you're ripe, you rot."
Ray Kroc, American businessman. Founder of McDonald's. (1902-1984)

Jack C.
The Serenity Project
jack@thecompleteserenityprayer.com
http://www.thecompleteserenityprayer.com

The truth about beauty.

"People are a lot like stained glass windows -- the full and true beauty can only be seen when there is abundant light shining from within, and when the viewer is standing back enough to take in the whole view, the big picture, what the 'artist' actually had in mind. Up too close, with a critical eye, you see only the imperfections in the glass. Standing back, taking everything in, you see the stunning artistry of the Maker's intended message. Also, and not coincidentally, the darker the night on the outside (in the form of the world's chaos, conflicts, death, fear, and struggles), the brighter and more beautifully the windows show up." -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

We can be so hard on ourselves regarding our self-image and surface appearance - are we beautiful enough, sexy enough, slender enough, smart enough, strong enough, successful enough? It can be exhausting, how harshly we measure ourselves, when underneath it all God made us equally precious (and yet unique) masterpieces. This becomes most visible to others when we remember the truth of it, allowing our inner light to shine, and when the darkness of the world surrounds us, challenging us to "effulge," if you remember that word from a few weeks ago. In the ordinary light of an ordinary day, where we often tend to go unconscious, we rarely truly see each other and often miss the point of life entirely. So, what does this naturally suggest? Maybe it means that the key to life is "to shine forth most brightly, to radiate, or to beam" (the actual dictionary meaning of the word, "effulge"), consciously and proactively, from your depths, and to find the world's most bitter darkness that waits just for you in which to brighten and cheer things up with your own unique light and the very personal message that God gave you to share. He came here to teach us that - to let our light shine into the darkness of the world - but first we must find it, find Him, within ourselves, amidst our self-doubt and self-hate, and turn it on.

This is from a friend of mine. Just thought I'd share. Nice idea.

Just a quickie.....post, I mean.

Our friend dAAve lives right across the street from my laundromat. I saw him getting out of his car yesterday as I pulled into the parking lot and I honked and waved. He waved back and then yelled my name as I got out of the car. I went over to say Hi and he starts over with this handsome, young black guy in tow. Turns out it's the famous Hayden. I suppose dAAve posted a pic somewhere or described him but I didn't seem to remember him ever saying that Hayden was sooo young and attractive. Well, gee. If dAAve can find a man so attractive at his age maybe there's hope for me. I think dAAve and I are nearly the same age. Well, I can dream. Hayden seemed quite nice and I'm glad I finally got to meet him.

Serenity Builder: Optimism...

Program Principle: Optimism is its own reward.
“The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity."
Winston Churchill, English prime minister, (1874-1965)

Jack C.
The Serenity Project
jack@thecompleteserenityprayer.com
http://www.thecompleteserenityprayer.com

EGGS

I love eggs. I crave them usually around 9:30 pm most evenings. I love quiche, eggs &bacon, eggs & ham, eggs & waffles, pancakes, you name it. I can't explain it and my cholesterol level is almost off the scale. Go figure. Do you know that most eggs contain 270 mg. of cholesterol? A good diet is supposed to have under 100 mg. a day, I think. Frittata's...Oh, they're so good. I just got that great cast iron pan for those.... oh darn. I'll never eat eggs again. Vol. 1 Look for it.

Angst!

I had a good day today, up to a point. I got a lot of work done and am now able to see most of my desk for the first time in months. I came up with a new way to save information on the scanner and everything was going just fine. Then I drove over to the storage space with a huge load of boxes in my car and found out that we were late on our payment and I couldn't get in until it was paid. I was pissed for a moment and then thought what can I do? I called the office and found out the mail hadn't gone out yet and the payment was in it. I asked them to hold it, went back to the office and picked it up. Went back to the unit and paid the bill and drove through the gates and up to our space, unlocked the car and went to unlock the unit and that's when I found out the key wasn't on my key ring anymore. I know after going to 3 places and having two sets of key made (that didn't work) and then going to a real locksmith and having the keys made with the lock there....that I had put the damn key on my keyring. But, it was gone now. Luckily I had made one extra key....just in case I lost my keys, which has happened before. So, I went back to the office and got the extra key and back to the unit and finally got the boxes stored. Through out this experience I was thinking about how this would have previously given me a reason to drink. Not this time, or so I thought. I then proceeded to drive downtown to do one more errand for the boss. Upon finding the company and parking and going inside, I then found out that the boss had ordered 5 stamps and given me a check for just one. So typical of the communication problems plaguing our company. They, of course, wouldn't give me the one stamp...I had to pay for all 5. So, I left them there and as I got in the car I thought, this is enough to drive me to drink. And then I realized I was just a few blocks from Spec's. This is one of the largest liquor warehouses in Houston. Maybe Texas. A great place to shop if your not an alcoholic. Strike that. A great place to shop if you are an alcoholic! They have great food, munchies, snacks, every kind of liquor you've ever thought of and probably a few more you haven't. I think they have beer too. I know they have wine and fine cigars. Who could ask for anything more? Certainly not me. I did my HALT thing. Told myself I didn't need to drink to relax. Came home and ate two popsicles and took a nap and now I've gone to the grocery store and I'm cooking dinner and there is no way I'm drinking tonight!! AA keeps working for me.

You can tell I'm bored.....

I just dated my spices. Read an article on the Sunday paper about McCormick offering to date your spices. It said that any McCormick brand spices in tins were at least 15 years old. I checked. I don't have any of those but I do have a lot of Kroger tins. However, my McCormick spices are aged as follows: Season All 1999, Oregano Leaves 1996, Tarragon Leaves 1997 and Ground Coriander Seed 2003. They recommend you crush your spices in your hand and if they don't smell strong...toss them. I wonder of we'd get in trouble if we were caught doing that at the store?

On Friday I asked my boss how the new lease

Business was going. He said we're still in negotiations, but once they sign, things should move quickly. So, I asked, my new office, when? He said November. I said, "Well at least it's still this year." So, all I have to do is be patient. Patience is a virtue. I never had any patience when I was drinking. It was always all about me, right now! I lived my life by timing everything so that I didn't have to wait. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I got to the train tracks just as the bar came down. Did I bitch and moan and fume like I used to? No, I just went Oh well, and pulled out a book and started reading. I never even thought twice about it until I started writing this post. I'm constantly amazed and grateful for the changes in my life and to me since I got my life back on track and stopped drinking it away. I owe all of you bloggers a great big THANK YOU for your constant support and comments. I do appreciate it. Peace.

I've been thinking about this post for about 3 months now...

I'm starting to hate my job. I know that's a big change from the previous posts about how lucky I am to have this job. I'm still lucky to have this job. I'm still grateful for all that's come my way since I got sober. Can I be grateful and still hate my job...Maybe so. About 3 weeks ago I lost my "private" office and now share with a nice woman. She's fine. I don't really have any problems with her. It's just that now I don't have any me space. I almost feel like I've been demoted. If I want to have a private conversation with someone I think we have to go to the men's or women's bathroom. Haven't tried that yet. My boss said this would be temporary, just until October, when I'd get my own office (with a window, no less) and a large file room for all my files. Sounds good but, "reality check", it could change in an instant. Nothing's written down. There are no guarantees. I know how things work at my job. I've been there for a little more than a whole year. Way longer than anyone else I work with. I'm now work completely with women. I really am not just one of the girls! And the noise level is just not something I can deal with. I can't shut my door and what the heck there's no point. I have to go to another office to do my sorting work because the new girl has the other desk. If I have a question, I have to leave the other office and go down to my old office to look it up on the computer. How's that for efficiency? Not.

In the first 3 days I just thought I'd get used to sharing my space and then in the next week I realized that wasn't going to work for me. In the third week I decided just to cut back on my hours and leave when I just couldn't concentrate anymore. My job is a lot about sorting and filing and now, scanning information into the computer. If it's wrong, out of order, no one can find the info they need. They had a few temps to do that before and they fucked it up and they're excited about having it done right, at last. I can do this but I need some quiet time to sort it all out. Right now I go into my office and I can hear the nice lady behind me and the the two girls across the hall and the two girls in the office next door. If I go up to my other office I get to hear the two girls who are in there plus the woman across the hall who does dispatch. Lord, give me a reason to go on!

I can get by on just 19 hours a week. I was working 35 or more, before. I'm supposed to be part-time. At least that's how I started out. I asked for help, another person to help me part-time and I got a raise instead. It's not what I asked for but I'm still grateful none the less. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I keep thinking I should be more grateful and yet I think they should be more grateful. Lord knows, they're getting a lot for their $10 bucks an hour. It's not really about the money. It's about feeling like I belong and I'm truly appreciated and that I will have my own office with a work space that's suited to what I have to do. So far, no one has asked me what I need or told me it's a possibility. As usual, communication is not something our company is know for.

I may send this to my boss. Probably won't. I want to come at him with a positive attitude. I don't ever want to be known as a complainer. I try to keep everybody's spirit's up and try to give them a reason to keep a positive attitude. No reason why I shouldn't feel the same...is there?

Best Laid Plans

Oh well. I guess what the host meant was that she didn't drink much anymore. Everybody else at that party (except for me and a few really young girls) drank a lot of wine. It was OK though. I was offered a glass as soon as I walked in but I told the guy I was more of a soda drinker. He said he didn't know where that was kept. I found some water in the fridge and I was fine. This was a party of lawyers, bankers, college students, housewives and at least one psychologist. All straight, supposedly but I sort of doubt it. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Anyway, we stayed, ate and introduced ourselves and chatted with people I'll probably never see again. Two couples I met though, live just down the street from me. It's a small world after all. (your supposed to sing that part) Well, I'm off to the store for supplies that I can cook on the grill. Later all.

Sorry Scott.

I'm off to a 60th birthday party for a client of one of my friend's. It's a Gumbo party and I'm looking forward to it because I'm hungry and supposedly most of the people there don't drink. Other than Lambda, I can't think of anywhere I've been that people don't drink alcohol. I'm listening to Renee Olstead on Yahoo music. Guess I'm past the stage where I play disco while I get ready to go out. Ha. I promise to post more often Scott.