I've been thinking about this post for about 3 months now...

I'm starting to hate my job. I know that's a big change from the previous posts about how lucky I am to have this job. I'm still lucky to have this job. I'm still grateful for all that's come my way since I got sober. Can I be grateful and still hate my job...Maybe so. About 3 weeks ago I lost my "private" office and now share with a nice woman. She's fine. I don't really have any problems with her. It's just that now I don't have any me space. I almost feel like I've been demoted. If I want to have a private conversation with someone I think we have to go to the men's or women's bathroom. Haven't tried that yet. My boss said this would be temporary, just until October, when I'd get my own office (with a window, no less) and a large file room for all my files. Sounds good but, "reality check", it could change in an instant. Nothing's written down. There are no guarantees. I know how things work at my job. I've been there for a little more than a whole year. Way longer than anyone else I work with. I'm now work completely with women. I really am not just one of the girls! And the noise level is just not something I can deal with. I can't shut my door and what the heck there's no point. I have to go to another office to do my sorting work because the new girl has the other desk. If I have a question, I have to leave the other office and go down to my old office to look it up on the computer. How's that for efficiency? Not.

In the first 3 days I just thought I'd get used to sharing my space and then in the next week I realized that wasn't going to work for me. In the third week I decided just to cut back on my hours and leave when I just couldn't concentrate anymore. My job is a lot about sorting and filing and now, scanning information into the computer. If it's wrong, out of order, no one can find the info they need. They had a few temps to do that before and they fucked it up and they're excited about having it done right, at last. I can do this but I need some quiet time to sort it all out. Right now I go into my office and I can hear the nice lady behind me and the the two girls across the hall and the two girls in the office next door. If I go up to my other office I get to hear the two girls who are in there plus the woman across the hall who does dispatch. Lord, give me a reason to go on!

I can get by on just 19 hours a week. I was working 35 or more, before. I'm supposed to be part-time. At least that's how I started out. I asked for help, another person to help me part-time and I got a raise instead. It's not what I asked for but I'm still grateful none the less. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I keep thinking I should be more grateful and yet I think they should be more grateful. Lord knows, they're getting a lot for their $10 bucks an hour. It's not really about the money. It's about feeling like I belong and I'm truly appreciated and that I will have my own office with a work space that's suited to what I have to do. So far, no one has asked me what I need or told me it's a possibility. As usual, communication is not something our company is know for.

I may send this to my boss. Probably won't. I want to come at him with a positive attitude. I don't ever want to be known as a complainer. I try to keep everybody's spirit's up and try to give them a reason to keep a positive attitude. No reason why I shouldn't feel the same...is there?