Monday, June 26, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
So much for the parade.
I got to the restaurant at exactly 8:12 pm....we were supposed to be there at 8:15. Everyone else showed up at 8:30. I secured a nice 6 seat table by the windows so we could see the parade while eating. We were all having a good time. I was having a Holy Virgin Mary and everybody else was drinking beer and liquor. Then I went down for a cigarette outside and ran into Jim and Jonathan who were blitzed and I got a good whiff of bourbon from their breath. I went back upstairs thinking that I hoped they wouldn't continue to drink (like that wasn't going to happen) and that they wouldn't fall down and hurt themselves or get mugged by anybody. I sat back down at the table and suddenly I was angry that I couldn't be drinking and having fun like they were.(not) Then I started to panic and then I just felt like I had to escape and so I handed my camera to Chris and asked him to get some good pics and then turned to everyone else (almost in tears) and said I can't be around this much alcohol right now and good night. Walked quickly home and called both Chris and Ken and told them how I was feeling and that that's why I left. They said they understand and maybe they do but until you live it you never really can know what it's like. I'm OK now and looking forward to coffee in the morning with Chris and Jewel and then the Food Expo. I'm OK. Sometimes you can't fight and just have to run. It's not a bad thing.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Just reading JJ's blog
the post about "Why am I putting myself through this?" I'm proud of her for trying some new things. It's too easy to stay at home and be safe from new experiences. Drinking is a great way to never do anything new. It used to work for me. Now-a-days I make plans to do things with other people and I show up. I used to cancel or just not go....glug, glug, glug. Ah life is so different now. I'm glad. I've got a bit planned for this weekend. On Saturday I'm meeting some friends at Katz's for an early dinner and then we're going to watch the Gay Pride Parade. Then Sunday morning my friends Chris and Jewel and I are going to the SW Food Expo at the George R. Brown Convention Center. Just think...1000 booths of people trying to get you to taste their foods. We're not eating breakfast and I'm going to wear pants with an elastic waste! We're going to graze through there. Maybe I'll pack some Alka-Seltzer.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Was just thinking about my trip
and thought I'd share one of my experiences. I called my friend Bellotti up and we agreed that I'd come for a visit on Tuesday at 2 pm. He said to come hungry as they were going to cook for my benefit. I drove the 18 miles to his place and arrived at 1:50 pm. No one home. Waited, patiently, till 2:20 pm and then started for home. Wasn't mad at all...like I would have been before I quit drinking. I called several times on the way home, hoping they'd arrive and if I wasn't more than half way to home I would have turned around. No go. Yesterday, I got an email from them but with no mention of the incident or lack there of. I emailed them back and asked why they haven't phoned or emailed me with at least a partial explanation of why I was stood up. I'm still not mad or hurt and I hope nothing bad happened to them and that's why they haven't gotten in touch. At least now it's not all about me but more about them. Ha. I hope I do hear from them soon. Well, gotta go to work and stop the panic. It's so nice to be missed.
Monday, June 19, 2006
It's Great to be Back, but.......
I got back today at 2:30 pm and at 3:30 my boss called and said he really needed me to come in tomorrow and do some things for him. He was under the impression that I'd been back for a few days and had just taken today off. I explained I'd just got here and wasn't due to come back to work till a week from today. I told him I'd be there tomorrow and take care of whatever he needed. I haven't unpacked completely yet as after I got home I went to sleep for a few hours, then went and got groceries and I'm still putting stuff away. I'm beat and I hope I sleep well tonight and get up feeling like tackling the day. Guess I'm really back! Max really missed me and I just found out he's been spoiled while I was away. Two full meals a day with people food. Now I have to get him (and me) used to eating like we did before I went on vacation. I'm hoping to start a tri-weekly walking program. We'll see how that goes but if I go early enough in the morning I should be OK. More later or as soon as life returns to normal. Ha.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Just one more day to go....
My little car will be due for an oil change when I get back. I'll have well over 4,000 miles on it by then. Just one more day to go...here and then I'm off to Houston and home. I'm ready. I've had a great visit and because of my timing I was able to attend two of my niece's graduations and one of their parties. The last niece doesn't graduate for 7 more years so my butt can take a rest from sitting on bleachers. They aren't anymore comfortable then they were when we were kids. You'd think something would get better with age.
I may be back by Monday night or more likely Tuesday morning. I have a feeling 11 or 12 hours of driving is all I can really do. We'll see. It's 5:20 am and the birds are just starting to sing. I'm at my brother's house. All are asleep. Yesterday, my sister-in-law, Margot and I spent the day together. First we went to Borders and I bought a Jonathan Kellerman novel and then Christoper Rice's newest book. If your not familiar with him, he's Anne Rice's son, gay and a pretty good writer. Then we were going to go to the Pittsburgh Arts Festival but it was getting warmer and because Margot is in the middle of treatment for her cancer we decided not to push it and went to the movies instead. We saw Prairie Home Companion. We laughed a bit and all in all it was pretty good. I think you'd have to be a fan of the show to enjoy the movie. There were so many big name stars in it. It's worth a rental or a matinee. Then we came home, I took my constitutional (nap) and got up and we ate stir fry that my niece Moira made and then we went to get ice cream and then to watch a softball game with the other niece Maeve as pitcher. They lost badly and it was hinted that it was all from too much graduation festivities the previous night. Oops. Just got back from a real cat fight. Had to separate the two kitties who live here. You'd think after 10 or so years they'd get along. Ha. Well, guess I'll go start that book. Can't wait to get back to my old but not really boring life. I see you.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Well, I'm in Bellefonte now.
That's just outside of Penn State University. I'm visiting my friend Corene and her 8 or 9 cats, 1 dog, 6 chickens and two goats. I'll be here till Thursday morning and then I'm driving back to Butler and then in the afternoon to Pittsburgh for my niece Maeve's graduation and then home again. On Friday morning I go back to Pittsburgh to visit with my brother and his wife until Saturday afternoon when I drive back to Butler and pack and get on the road Sunday morning around 4 or 5 am. Then it's just one day at a time until I get home to Houston. I've only had a few times here where I felt like drinking and I didn't. Yesterday, my Mom had me go up to the bar and get her a beer and then I brought it back (without tasting it) and set on the table with the 3 other beers that were already there for the others at the table. I got a little miffed for a few seconds cause I couldn't join in but then I got over it. I did have to distance myself from all the drinking for a bit until I felt strong again. Didn't take long. I remember how easy it would be to go back to the way I was. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!! I miss my dog and my job. I think I'll be back home Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't have to go to work until the following Monday. I probably will go sooner though...I just know there's a pile of stuff there waiting for me. I can start saving up for my next vacation which will not be in Pennsylvania! This is the only place I ever go and I'd like to go somewhere different for a change. Maybe Florida or New Mexico. Oh well, that's at least 6 months away. Well, I've got to go. I'll let you know when I'm really back. Later.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
It would be so easy
to slip into the abyss. To think that now that I've been sober for almost a year, again, I could handle drinking, moderately, again. I was never a moderate drinker and there's no reason to think I'd be one now! I know better. I've had enough failures to remind me that I really can't drink socially again. There's nothing social about locking yourself in the apartment and not answering the phone while you drink bottle after bottle of liquor! I know better. And so, in one day, I drive off into the sunrise. East, toward my family and all the "stuff" they eek out of me. I'm hoping that I'll somehow not let them drive me to drink. That somehow, I'll see the button pushing for what it is and not succumb to the temptation of drowning it all with a bottle. I think I can do this and we will all have an enjoyable visit. I hope. I know their button pushing is a subconscious thing...that they may not know they're doing it and there's no reason why I have to react. As my sponsor Norris has told me many times...you can't make people think what you want them to. I guess I'll take it all one day at a time.
I'll be using my family's email and the library's pc's to access the internet so I'll be sporadic at best. I just watched the National Spelling BEE and now I feel like I can use big words and not have to look them up. I've never heard of most of those words. Kids are so much smarter than we were, aren't they?