It would be so easy
to slip into the abyss. To think that now that I've been sober for almost a year, again, I could handle drinking, moderately, again. I was never a moderate drinker and there's no reason to think I'd be one now! I know better. I've had enough failures to remind me that I really can't drink socially again. There's nothing social about locking yourself in the apartment and not answering the phone while you drink bottle after bottle of liquor! I know better. And so, in one day, I drive off into the sunrise. East, toward my family and all the "stuff" they eek out of me. I'm hoping that I'll somehow not let them drive me to drink. That somehow, I'll see the button pushing for what it is and not succumb to the temptation of drowning it all with a bottle. I think I can do this and we will all have an enjoyable visit. I hope. I know their button pushing is a subconscious thing...that they may not know they're doing it and there's no reason why I have to react. As my sponsor Norris has told me many times...you can't make people think what you want them to. I guess I'll take it all one day at a time.
I'll be using my family's email and the library's pc's to access the internet so I'll be sporadic at best. I just watched the National Spelling BEE and now I feel like I can use big words and not have to look them up. I've never heard of most of those words. Kids are so much smarter than we were, aren't they?