Link I'll never drink again Vol. 2: It's Been a Busy Week

Saturday, June 25, 2005

It's Been a Busy Week

I've been trying to go to more meetings during the week. But lately, the past couple nights I've been reading instead of watching TV and consequently not going to bed before 12 or 12:30. Naturally then I can't seem to get up at 4 am and so I sleep till 8 or so and then do stuff around here and go to the 12:15 and then leave immediately and go to work and work till 6 or 7pm. Sort of a complete turn around from my old schedule. Gay Pride Parade is tonight but I want to go to the center for Birthday night first. Then if I have enough energy I'll ride my bike over to the parade. I've got some non-drinking friends who'll be at the curve so I won't have to watch it alone. As always I'll just have to wait and see how I feel. I've decided not to go back to the gym at this time. I have to admit that I'm not as young or as drunk as I used to be and I can't really do everything that I think I should be able to do. I don't like it! Hopefully they'll let me come back at some later time. Maybe after I get my 1 year chip. My sponsor and therapist both seem to think that's some kind of milestone to judge everything else by. I don't. It's just another month on my road to recovery. Yeah it's neat to have a year but it could all be over in a minute. I keep reading my journal and trying to decide what to post next, but I don't know. I think I'm tired of reading it. Guess I'll just let it be for now. My friend Mike is in Chicago on vacation and I just got off the phone with him. He says they're having a heatwave and everybody is running around downtown in bikinis and swimsuits. Guys riding around on their bikes half nude. He says, "That will work." I'm glad he's having a good time. First vacation he's had in almost 6 years. I am leaving for Pennsylvania on July 28 and returning on Aug 5. I go home to PA once a year. I was sober last time I went home but it was only because I had just got out of the hospital. This will be the first time I've gone home with 8 months sobriety. I'm trying not to project about what its going to be like. They mean well but they often hurt my feelings with the things they say. They, of course, remember all the things I did to myself and others while drinking and yeah, I remember those things too, but we really don't have to talk about them again. It's in the past and there's nothing I can do to change it. All I can do is my best from here on out. It's horrible but the little digs I got thw last time I was home are still in my memories today. How dumb is that? Oh well...It will be OK. Why worry? I can always call dAAve or Scott or Norris if I feel an alcoholic escape looming. It will be OK. It will be OK. It will be OK. You get the gist. Later.

2 Comments:

Blogger dAAve said...

I truly believe that once you get through all the steps (as thoroughly as possible at this time) you can let all of the past go to a much fuller extent.

Trust me. It works if you work it.

11:08 AM  
Blogger doughgirl said...

I think at 8 months sober you are not crazy or dumb, but right where you should be emotionally. People hurt us as much as we hurt them. I know that sounds justified, but its not. You have a right to be scared that someone may hurt you again.
Daaves right though, as you go through the steps, it does get a little easier...that and pg 552 in the BB :) Love ya.

P.s. If they really get ya going, just hopr the greyhound to Boston and Ill pick you up :)

7:00 AM  

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