Day 16 01-27-04

I didn't have any money at all. I wrote a bad check at the liquor store and got to packs of cigs and 1 fifth of vodka and a bottle of tonic. At 4 am. I've drunk it all and I don't feel guilty. I should. I broke my favorite night light from Craig and Terry. Don't remember a thing but it's shattered and laying there on the floor. I can see where I fell on my face and scraped my nose. Lucky my glasses didn't break as they have so many times before. I feel bad about lying to everyone but I hate to give up my 16 days. If I don't remember drinking does that mean it's real? Just walked the dog and I'm still drunk. Only one pack of cigs left and can't see any other way to get more except to write another bad check and get more booze. I hate to buy the booze but it seems like such a waste not to drink it when it's here. Just talked to Jewel and she suggested I call restaurants to see if they'll need any help for SuperBowl. I told her I wasn't sure I ever want to work in a restaurant again, ever. She snapped at me about needing money and I just suggested she have a nice lunch and hung up. What's the point of working if I'm not going to enjoy the job.

Day 17 01-28-04 Sober now. Stupid, stupid, stupid!! Very depressed about everything. I'm still calling the days as I didn't go out and drink day after day like I always did before.