Records Manager sounds so much better
than File Clerk. Yep, I'm up obsessing about my job. I was laying there, in bed, thinking about the company I now work for. It's only a small company. They only did 1.5 million last year and I guess they're still growing. I'm now sunk in all the paperwork from just this year. I have all of last years and a little bit of 2003 piled up around my office. All of it needs to be filed. Supposedly what I'm to do is rearrange all of the client and vendor files, file, sort etc. There are two girls in the office, one in receivables and one in accounts payables. Those two ladies are the reason I have this job. Sometime in 2004 they gave up telling the owner that they needed help. They were doing all they were supposed to do plus dispatching and then filing in their spare time. They stopped filing. They started piling. It only took a year before the owner realized that he couldn't find anything, anymore. They then hired me. An ex-records manager sort of person without any formal training in Records Management. I've just a lot of experience and an uncanny ability to organize. Well, I've got things organized now to where I (and anybody I explain my system to) can look in the right places. I've done a lot in this past month only working part time. Now, I'm afraid, I'm slipping into the abyss I think of as full time. I can't work full time. I'll get sick again. I'll make myself sick again. I'll get totally stessed out and only think, eat and sleep the job. I don't want to go there again....unless it means a lot of money and I sort of doubt that's in the near future. No I mean it, I don't want to go back to the way I was. No wonder I drank when I got home. I was always so keyed up that many times I interrupted people while they were talking because I was in too much of a hurry to even let them complete their thoughts. It was all about me. Hmmm. I wasn't even thinking about my alcoholism when I started this post.
Maybe what this post is really about is my fear of returning to the old me. I could see it happening. I wasn't so bad back then was I? Ohhh I was. They say you can't go back but the truth is you can. You can if you stop thinking about what's really going on with you. I can if I just go blindly into another form of addiction. The workalcoholic.
Well, I feel better now. I think I can sleep now. Nuff said.