When I Started at Lambda
I was tense. Heck, I was still drunk. All these people wanted to "hug" me. What was wrong with them I thought. At first I was surprised and not a little pissed that these idiots wouldn't or couldn't just shake hands or say "Hello" from across the room. Noooo. They had to get up and come over and hug me. I'm not that kind of person who just has sex or hugs with someone I don't know very well and I'd rather just shake your hand. Why wont they get it? Do I have to explain it to each one of them, everytime. You'd think they'd notice the cringing I was going through but no, they were oblivious. And so on it went, me cringing and them hugging and finally after I got a sponsor I told him how I felt. He seemed surprised. I can't even remember what he said but whenever he saw me he'd head towards me to you-know-what me and then he'd pull up short and say, "Oh,that's right. You don't like to be hugged." He always sounded disappointed, to me. So finally I started hugging him when I saw him cause he's so sweet and good and I know he's not just trying to cop a feel. Well, I don't think he is.
That was all over 1 1/2 years ago and now I still don't hug every person I see at Lambda. I say HI and give a few hugs here and there mainly to the people I'm close with and occasionally to those who really look or act like they could use it. I don't cringe anymore. I hardly even think about it. I don't know it this hugging ritual is only at Lambda or if all AA people do that. I've never been anywhere but Lambda and I'm fine with that , for the moment. I have made a lot of friends here, maybe not as close as the friends I left behind when I got sober, but friends nevertheless. We are close in other respects. After all were all in this together. The struggle against addiction. And as for those hugs, I haven't been with a man in over 1 1/2 years and this may be the only physical contact I get with another person. I'm for it. Hug me!