Link I'll never drink again Vol. 2: Doing the next right thing.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Doing the next right thing.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Now where have I heard that? Probably AA. I think I did all the next right things today. Went to work early and called the clinic at least 4 times but couldn't get through. After work, while craving a drink or something to alleviate the pain of "the tooth", I came home put some Anbesol on it and took a nap instead. Got up and went to vote. After which I went to the clinic and set up an appointment for blood work and an interview/exam for Thursday at 12:20 pm. Then I came home and called the dental clinic and begged in my most whinny voice for them to let me come in and to see what they could do while we are waiting for my blood work to come back. It should only take about 2 weeks. While I was whining I mentioned my upcoming trip to Mommie Dearest's 75th birthday and that I really wanted to be able to eat cake. I go in tomorrow at 8 am. and they'll fit me in somewhere. This means I'll have to wait up to 4 hours, in pain, scared of what's to come and knowing that the old me would eventually get so bored or so scared that I'd get up and leave. Not this time. I'm going to face this head on.

And just now my old doctor's accounting person called and started chastising me for not paying what we agreed upon in May. I let her go on and on about how she went the extra mile in letting me set my payments lower than anyone else, and how disappointed in me she was, blah, blah,blah. And slowly, I turned, step by step, inch by inch, until......I said STOP! I explained, not unkindly or too loudly, that I want to pay my bills. Especially, my doctor's bills as he's saved my life several times and just how does she think this makes me feel when she goes on and on about what I haven't done. I know what I haven't done. I have thousands of dollars that I owe just to the hospital and the doctors that Medicare did not cover. I'm so lucky that I can get my drugs through clinics that specialize in dealing with people with HIV and Aids, who are poor. I want to pay it all back and I can't and I have to live with this everyday and I do, without drinking or drugging. She took a breath and so did I and she said maybe I should go to the clinic after all. It seems evident that I can't pay my debts at this time. I nicely said thank you and hung up and thought "Bitch"!
I've tried being honest, like this, with the creditors that call 2 or 3 times a night but, they're really mean. lol It's not worth the angst it causes me and "Reality Check" there's little I can do about any of it. So, one day at a time, I deal with what I can and try and let the rest go. Thanks for listening. L.

PS. This would have looked so much better if Blogger would let me post a picture. I'm getting tired of this.


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