Link I'll never drink again Vol. 2: My First Car

Sunday, July 10, 2005

My First Car

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This was my first car. I bought it from my girlfriend's father. It was huge. I got it just as I turned 21 and was finally old enough to drink legally. I went to a rock concert in my new car with a trunk full of beer, I bought my self and took my dog, Princess with me. The concert was good from what little I remember but I spent most of it in the First Aid tent as I drank too much and couldn't walk. It was blazing hot and my friends thought it would be good for me to be out of the heat. I remember waking up and calling for the dog, who was always there right by me. Finally, after the concert was over I went to the car to start home. Sober but hungover I started down the winding old dirt road and that's when I lost the brakes. There were people walking up the road and I was honking and had my emergency flashers on and I was beginning to pick up speed. The engine died, I shifted in to low, tried the emergency brake and nothing worked. I started heading for the ditch in hopes of stopping the car before we got to the steep part down. The ditch grabbed the wheel and we rode right up and the car flipped over on it's side. I was belted in and was able to look over at Princess who was sitting on the passenger side window panting happily. People helped us out and I had to have the car towed back to Butler. The whole incident only scratched a little bit of the car on one side. It should have scared me for life. It should have been a warning of what was to come.

I'm just back from recently going back out and drinking. July 3rd and 4th. I just lost 7 months and 27 days of sobriety. Actually, I didn't lose them. I still did that and you know, I'm getting tired of feeling like I've failed each time I've gone out and drank. I'm tired of counting each day because it only takes once to wipe out all you've accomplished and frankly I'm proud of the 100's of times I just didn't drink when I wanted to. So you all have your program and I'll have mine. I'm not counting the days anymore. I'm not taking chips for time being sober. I'm not going to drink today. That's it! (I don't sound like I have issues, do I?) Ha.


Blogger dAAve said...

There's a '63 'Bird available for sale at corner of Montrose/Alabama. Red w/white top.

You're right about being proud of the time you had sober. EVERY day an alcoholic does not drink, is a miracle.

The neat thing about AA or any other recovery program is that everything is a suggestion. No one can or tries to force us to do anything. We can choose to tailor our lives to whatever level of sobriety we want, if we want to at all.

Best 'o luck and I hope you continue to blog. You know where and how to find me if you need or want to. I'll be right here.


2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Larry, the shame you are feeling comes from within. As far as I know no one is judging you except you yourself. Or, if it isn't shame it's disappointment in yourself. This is something you can talk over with Kevil. I'm still expecting you to call me and Sergio. Max is still our friend! I don't agree with what you have decided, but I will support you in your decision. (But, you can always change your mind.) You are not the first person to conclude that the chip system is shame inducing. I love you and honor our friendship. Norris

1:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May your higher power be with you! Have you surrendered yet? Completely surrendered? What went wrong? What are you doing differently this time? Let us know. Share your experience, strength and hope so that those of us who are sober today can stay that way and so that those to come can learn from your mistakes.

Namenlosen Trinker

2:37 PM  
Anonymous particle said...

I pray every day for a reprieve from drinking. A daily miracle. I'll second Trinker with the surrender. Only through surrender do I manage any sobriety and be happy about it.

4:16 PM  
Blogger NMAMFQLMSH said...

Welcome back and just keep coming.

7:14 AM  
Blogger doughgirl said...

After realizing 11 months ago that I had totally ruined my life. I decided to give it to anyone or anything that could do a better job at it than I could...which at that point was anyone but me.

I surrendered and god tookover. You know that not every day is easy, but what I do know is that the obsession has been lifted. I know this because I dont think about it anymore. It doesnt comsume me, I dont think that I will someday drink again, BUT I had to drink every last drink and use every last drug to get where I am today. I was truly tires of all of it. I truly wanted to die and the grace of God I want to live..

I love you :)

9:24 AM  

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