Now I've Really embarrassed Myself!
I've had a bit of a busy day, lots of running around in the AC impaired car. Kept myself hydrated by drinking lots of bottled water. At least 5 so far. Then I had to go to the gym and while I wasn't particularly excited about the prospect of working out (I seldom am excited) I went because I'm now a responsible citizen of AA. I didn't feel very strong but it was a fairly normal workout until the end. I was on the stationary bicycle and having to peddle for 16 minutes. At 3 minutes I realized that I wasn't going to make it. I told my trainer who said just keep on peddling. At 5 minutes 39 seconds my legs shut off and I couldn't peddle anymore. I told the trainer and when he came over to check I started to cry. Not just all misty eyed but good ole heart wrenching sobbing. I fled to the bathroom, composed myself and splashed some water on my face and took a deep breath and went back to sign out. I tried to explain but of course, broke out in tears again. Made it to the car and sobbed some more. What I tried to explain to the trainer thru my tears, was that now that I'm sober I have to deal with a lot of feelings that I never used to deal with at all. Like the feelings of inadequacy, disappointments in myself, why can't I do what other people can do, why am I not good enough, why don't I try harder, etc., etc., etc.. Of course they're just feelings. They go away most of the time. I am dealing with them. I am getting better. I'm not just ignoring them by drinking myself into oblivion. I'm dealing. I think maybe I just over did it today and was a bit dehydrated in spite of my efforts not to become so. I'll take another DEEP BREATH. I'll be OK. No, I am OK.