Link I'll never drink again Vol. 2: My Mother the Star

Saturday, April 16, 2005

My Mother the Star

Some years ago my mom had to have bypass surgery. She was approved to be the first person to undergo the surgery in the new Heart Center in my home town. She figured what the hell, they'll really want to get her's done right since there would be publicity. I've always thought of my mom as a shy person. Guess I was wrong. After the successful surgery she was on the radio, in the paper and they even did a billboard of her and two of my nieces around the town. She was suddenly famous. Only my family. Today while we were having our usual Friday morning conversation she told me about a thank you luncheon she was attending for the people who volunteer at the hospital. She's one. It was going on and on and finally she and her girlfriend snuck out. After she left they called out her name and asked for her to stand up and be counted for being so courageous as to be the first to have that surgery. That's when everyone realized she'd left. She was mad cause she would have been proud to stand up and be noticed once again. I sure didn't get that from her. I've barely spoken in AA meetings for the past year or so. I think I've talked maybe 5 times. It's not that I don't have anything to say but more that I get stage fright. I can't remember what I want to say and when I do talk I almost always revert to tears. Not what I want to be known for at the center. I know I shouldn't care what anybody thinks about me but I do. I guess like everything I've learned in AA practice will help make it better.


Blogger Scott W said...

Aarrrggghhh!!! I hate to share at the group level! It's hard to remember that what another thinks about me is none of my business.

9:11 AM  
Blogger dAAve said...

A thought ...

That may be a good reason to go to some smaller meetings. It's not so intimidating to share at the group level. Sharing at the group level can really and truly take away the power of some of our thinking. I don't know why, but it does.

Just a thought.

5:22 PM  
Blogger doughgirl said...

I used to get to tears all the time when I first came back. I dont get there that often now, however when I do, I know that what I am saying is truth and comes from the heart.

Its hard not to care what other people think of me, but more often than not its compassion, not negativity :)

8:41 AM  

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