Program Principle: It comes gradually, with age - more gradually for some than others.
"I'm at an age where I think more about food than about sex. Last week, I put a mirror above my dining room table." Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian, (1921-2004)
Well,, I went to have my blood work done yesterday but the guy screwed it up and he only got one vial of blood and left a huge blood blister on my arm. He's going to try and get it right today. So, another morning without Coffee! Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
I've been feeling pretty good these days. Cooking a lot and of course the weather has been great. It's sort of Spring for us now. Highs in the 70's and lows in the 50's. It's so nice to sleep with the windows open and the heater off. I'm still seeing my therapist every week. I've pretty much gotten over the whole abuse business and am going on with my life. Work is kind of slow, for me, right now and that's OK. Gives me a chance to catch up on a lot of projects. At first I thought I was going to be bored but boring can be good. No pressure is always good. So,, I'm working every day and not stressed out anymore. Hope your all doing well, too. Later.
what can you say? I didn't state all of that to solicit pity or whatever. It's just therapeutic to get it off my chest. At least it's supposed to be therapeutic. Ha. Well, we'll see. Today's payday and I've got a ton of shopping to do and I swear I'm going to get the crevice tool out for my sweeper and go behind the furniture and suck out all the doghair that's been hiding there. Life with Max can be a hairy experience! (pun intended) He's such a good dog. I know I'm blessed to have a buddy like him. And friends like you, too.
Here are some more Meditations that float my boat.
Serenity Builder: Diligence...
Program Principle: Genius and inspiration are not substitutes for hard work.
“What saves a man is to take a step... and then another step." Antoine de Saint-Exupery, French pilot and writer, best known for 'The Little Prince', (1900-1944)
Serenity Builder: Worthiness...
Program Principle: I am worth it. So are you.
"We are stardust, we are golden.And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." Joni Mitchell, contemporary Canadian singer, songwriter.
Serenity Builder: Goodness...
Program Principle: The good you do, lives long after you are through.
"The luxury of doing good far surpasses every other enjoyment." John Gay, English poet and dramatist (1685-1732)
Serenity Builder: Love...
Program Principle: Love manifests towards those we like as love; and towards those we do not like as forgiveness."
"Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it." Karl Menninger, American psychiatrist who founded the Menninger Foundation and the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas (1893-1990)
It works just fine the way it is. At least for me, anyhow. I have to remember to try and be accepting of change. Change is everywhere and the older I get the less receptive I am towards it. I'll do it eventually. Anybody have anything good to say about it?
And now the real reason why I haven't written lately. About a month ago I realized, with the help of my therapist, that I'd been sexually molested when I was 12 or 13 years old. I always knew that I'd been introduced to and forced to have sex with my older cousin but because I'm gay, I never thought of it as abuse. Finally, after some intense probing from my therapist (no pun intended) I was able to realize what had really happened to me. I immediately broke down and cried and then I went numb. Since then I've been plagued by neck and back pain and fits of anger. I believe they're from what I'd realized and are sort of my way of working through all this. My therapist has been there for me whenever I call, night or day and I do appreciate his commitment to helping me through this. I haven't, nor have I wanted to, drink over this. It's never really crossed my mind. What has crossed my mind is to go to AZ and kill the motherfucker! I'm trying to forgive him. It's not easy. He's already the pariah of our family. Not allowed to come back to the home town. I believe he's been arrested in 1 or 2 states already. At least I didn't turn out like him. So, that's what's been going on and I promise to write more often...now that I've gotten over my fear. Day 70
